Last week, I tried doing my nails all cute-like. You know how Pinterest has so many fabulous ideas on how to make you look glamorous? Well, I gave it a shot. I went with the style below, since I was heading to California to relax on the beach. Very lovely nails, am I right?
Here's how mine turned out:
Not so fabulous. Can you even tell my middle finger has an anchor on it? (Don't answer that.) Not to mention, about ten minutes into this nail makeover, two of my nails chipped. Fifty points goes to the first person who can tell me what the secret is to not chipping your nails. More polish? Less polish? Clear top coat? HELP. I'm going to go ahead and classify this project as a Pinstrosity. For those of you who don't know what Pinstrosity is, you have to check it out. It's a blog that takes submissions from fellow Pinteresters (like myself) whose projects don't *quite* turn out the way Pinterest portrays them. It's very entertaining.
As for our vacation, I learned the following:
*Life in general is easier when you have a wiener. Yes, a wiener. My toddler had to use the restroom (while driving) more times than I could count and I was just grateful it wasn't me instead. I imagined me squatting there, at the edge of the running board, parked on the shoulder of the I-10 with both the passenger and backseat door open to hide my nakedness, balancing a squat, yet still having a stream of urine heading southward down my legs as a police officer pulls over and arrests me for indecent exposure. The horror.
*People living in beach homes like to use sheer curtains. Even to cover the bathroom window. The one right next to the shower. Maybe I need to be more like Tobias Funke; I'd worry less.
*Wheels don't roll in the sand. Hauling a wagon full of 53 pounds of human flesh, a boogie board, a Camelbak, and a gym bag full of beach toys/towels is a full blown workout. I kind of felt like this. Notice there is no horse. I was the horse. Some of you are asking, "Where was your husband?" Oh, he was just dropping our car off at the shop. (See below).
*Life is not that fun when your air conditioner goes out 2 hours into your 6+ hour drive.
*Chick-Fil-A doesn't taste as good in CA.
*Polaroid moments are not as Polaroidy when you try to whip out your camera phone to take a picture only to realize the camera part doesn't work because it previously took a dive into the toilet.
*Sand will find it's way into every crack in your body. We spent many minutes cleaning out sandy hineys. (Where was this stuff when I went last weekend? And more importantly, what's it made of...?)
*Without the MAP app on our phones, we'd have eaten the same thing every day and only gone to the beach and back.
*CA has more interstates than anywhere I've ever seen.
*There are more ugly parts of CA than pretty parts. (Sorry, Californians. The people are super nice, though!)
*The Goodwills in CA are not as good as the ones in AZ. ($2.99 for a VHS? Come on.)
*Private parts are not very fond of 50 degree ocean water.
*And last but not least, driving with a feisty infant is extremely masochistic. My daughter is the embodiment of a shaken two liter of Diet Coke with a Mento dropped into it, strapped to a rocket and taken on a roller coaster.
But all in all, we had a blast and our first family vacation was a success.
Me. The Wimpy Road Tripper.