Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Mortified Mom.

Dear Diary, 

     Yesterday, I was happily sunbathing in the backyard while my kids splashed in the water of our kiddie pool. I had Pandora Radio playing the Disney station, lunch for the kids on their picnic table, and overall I was in a state of total relaxation. Even though my legs weren't neatly shaved and I hadn't showered in a few days, I thought, "Eh. No one will see me back here in the privacy of my own backyard, right?" So I got even cozier and hiked up the bottoms of my bikini so that my hips would get a tan as well. Earlier that day, I had even contemplated wearing a thong so that my booty would see some sunshine. (But that would've had to be done when the kids weren't present, thankyouverymuch.) As I had settled in to my comfy lawn chair, sunglasses on, eyes closed, music playing...I heard an unfamiliar voice. "Hello?", he said. My eyes shot open, my eyebrows shot upwards, I pulled my sunglasses up to my forehead, and saw a twenty-something-year-old male in a bright green polo. Suddenly, I remembered. My pest control man was here to service the house. How did I forget? "Oh, CRAP!", I yelled, "Hold on!" as I jumped out of that chair faster than a rocketship to space. I'm certain I should've pulled a muscle with how quickly I leaped out of that chair and I can only imagine the view he got of me pulling pieces of my swim suit down so that I no longer had a man-made wedgie while hustling to the back door. I am fairly certain I looked like this guy: 

     And while I was mortified, I guarantee he laughed all the way to his next appointment when he finished. I'm still trying to process that whole episode.


Me. Mortified Mom.