Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Mortified Mom.

Dear Diary, 

     Yesterday, I was happily sunbathing in the backyard while my kids splashed in the water of our kiddie pool. I had Pandora Radio playing the Disney station, lunch for the kids on their picnic table, and overall I was in a state of total relaxation. Even though my legs weren't neatly shaved and I hadn't showered in a few days, I thought, "Eh. No one will see me back here in the privacy of my own backyard, right?" So I got even cozier and hiked up the bottoms of my bikini so that my hips would get a tan as well. Earlier that day, I had even contemplated wearing a thong so that my booty would see some sunshine. (But that would've had to be done when the kids weren't present, thankyouverymuch.) As I had settled in to my comfy lawn chair, sunglasses on, eyes closed, music playing...I heard an unfamiliar voice. "Hello?", he said. My eyes shot open, my eyebrows shot upwards, I pulled my sunglasses up to my forehead, and saw a twenty-something-year-old male in a bright green polo. Suddenly, I remembered. My pest control man was here to service the house. How did I forget? "Oh, CRAP!", I yelled, "Hold on!" as I jumped out of that chair faster than a rocketship to space. I'm certain I should've pulled a muscle with how quickly I leaped out of that chair and I can only imagine the view he got of me pulling pieces of my swim suit down so that I no longer had a man-made wedgie while hustling to the back door. I am fairly certain I looked like this guy: 

     And while I was mortified, I guarantee he laughed all the way to his next appointment when he finished. I'm still trying to process that whole episode.


Me. Mortified Mom. 


  1. Haha I love your stories. Was it your friend? Or did you get a new pest control guy?

  2. Casey, it was a random newbie! It would've actually been worse if it was my friend because he's the up close and personal type who would've just come right over to my chair and said, "What's up!" Ain't nobody got time to see the hairy-ness that was join on with me yesterday. I am proud to say that today my legs are slick as a whistle.

  3. YIKES! I would've been mortified. Good thing you have buns of steel and washboard abs now. I'm sure he was a little excited. :)