She noticed my kids and told me the classic old lady line that went something like, "Enjoy them while they are little. Mine are all grown." She proceeded to tell me that her daughters were in their 50's now. I told her she looked too young to have children in their 50's. I sensed that she got that a lot. She told me she was pushing 90 and I was honestly shocked- she looked at least 15 years younger or more. I told her my thoughts and she said, "I drink a lot, that's why." Wondering if I didn't hear her correctly, I smiled politely and kept gazing over the things in the aisle that I was searching for. Before I could do much searching, she spouted off quite loudly, "Vodka & Orange Juice." Excuse me? "Vodka. And Orange Juice. Milk is for wimps."
Inside, I was cracking up. This woman was clearly so happy to have found me in the toilet paper aisle. A young mother, dying to know the secret to staying young. Desperately hoping to run into a beautiful elderly woman with so many stories to tell, all while my kids kick and scream and stomp on the bag of chips in the cart while trying to mess with the egg cartons in the front. Bliss, obviously. I continued listening to her tell me stories of how she paid for all of her children and grandchildren to go to college and how one of them is a sportscaster in Chicago. How she moved to Arizona from Ohio and how she had an obvious addiction to alcohol. Eventually, I wrapped up my conversation with her while my children were wrapped up in soon-to-be destroyed groceries and hauled our circus to the check out lane. I was glad I met her, but I'm hoping the next old lady with a secret to staying young doesn't tell me it involves being a rich alcoholic. If I was rich and an alcoholic, I might be relaxed also. But alas, the stresses of life get the best of me every day and I think I'd rather earn those wrinkles when they get to me.
Sincerely,
Me.
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