A few months ago, I decided to take charge of my health by doing more vigorous workouts at a local gym. Unfortunately, longer hours at the gym equals more exposure to the naked elderly. WHY, you ask? HOW, you ask? (Now don't get me wrong, I love me some old people. But naked old people...that is a different story altogether.)Two words: Water. Zumba.
I'm not sure what it is about old age that makes one feel liberated in every sense. They can quite honestly say (or yell) whatever they want to in public and people just "ooh" and "aah" as if those feisty silver slickers are cute little newborn babies. They can fart while they walk and not even care about the crop-dusted victims. (Stone. Cold.) They can drive like drunk teenagers and somehow come out unscathed. They can get their hair done to look like a cute, fluffy cotton candy topper and get praised by their entire Jazzercize crew for the new do.
The most frightening part of this whole thing is that there is no solution. Water Zumba falls smack dab in the middle of just about the only hours in my day I can exercise. Let's all have a moment of silence.
Me. The Nakedphobic.