Really. The odds seem like they should be one in a quadrillion, (or at least one in a hundred)that the very second I close my eyes, a chaotic orchestra of sleep-preventing noise begins. Let me be specific. I shut my eyes. Cue the helium filled Toy Story balloon tied to the doorknob to beat against the door because the fan is running. *Sigh* I can tune that out, no big deal- I tell myself. Well now go ahead and throw in that stupid car alarm that goes off every other day because a leaf brushed the side of it or a cat walked by. Really, people? That's just insane. Disable that nonsense. *Now I'm getting grouchy and contemplating skipping the much needed nap.* But laziness trumps everything else and I stay put. Splattered across my bed face down with all four limbs as spread out as much as possible, lying diagonally. Just when I begin to drift off, my baby decides she needs assistance passing gas and I must go in the room, pick her up, get belched on, lay her back down and resume my splattered position. By this time, I'm thinking that fartin around on Pinterest is a better use of my time than this, and that's saying something. Needless to say, a mother's nap is close to non-existent. The nap-preventing noises change, of course. Throw in the trash man, the recycle man, barking dogs and yelling neighbors and that's it. You can just take that nap, wad it up into a big fat ball and flush it down the toilet. If I end up living in a town whose population is 2,000 or less and my closest neighbor is 7 miles away, you will look back on this post and know why.
Sincerely,
Me. The Mad Napper.
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