Decide Before You Collide.

Dear Diary, 

     There are lots of people in the world who want kids, but can't have them. There are also lots of people in the world who already have kids and wonder what they were thinking. And there are people in the process of trying to have kids via in vitro, adoption, or the good old fashioned hanky panky. I am in none of those categories. I have successfully completed two rounds of child-making thus far and I am calling it quits for a few years. Possibly forever. But despite which category you fall under, here are 10 things you need to know. (Because I am an expert, of course.) 

1. If you love being nauseous, get pregnant. 

2. If you are an insomniac, a night owl & an early bird (must be both), or someone who just doesn't give a dang about sleeping, have a baby. 

3. If you want all of your clothes to have a variety of stains on them from pureed carrots, spinach, and bananas- adopt a 6 month old. 

4. If you enjoy tapping into your inner Xena Warrior woman, have multiple children very close in age and you will love carrying them and all their gear out to the car and loading/unloading all of that stuff everywhere you go. AND, if you are one of those people who like to throw in an extra ounce of crazy, move to Arizona where the summer high is around 116*. 

5. If doing laundry is your favorite household chore, make a baby that has reflux. 

6. If you hate dairy, chocolate and spicy foods, you will make the perfect breast feeding mother. 

7. If going bald is something you'd like to try, post-partum life is up your alley. 

8. If you don't enjoy going out, have children. 

9. If you love taking daily walks to the dumpster to get a breath of fresh air unload a grocery bag full of feces-filled diapers, motherhood is for you.

10. And last but not least, if you think working is for suckers and you'd rather be at home "not working" a.k.a. watching PBS, doing dishes, laundry, cleaning toilets, cooking, wiping bums, scrubbing floors, cleaning up potty training accidents, building with legos, ironing, calming crying children, giving baths, and running errands- then by all means, be a stay-at-home-mom. It's a piece of cake. I tell ya- those people that "work" are the real suckers.

Moral of the story? Decide before you collide. 

Sincerely, 

Me.