If Dads Ruled the World.

Dear Diary, 


     I am 99.9% certain that if dads ruled the world, the following would undoubtedly occur: 


*There would be no such thing as formula. Only powdered mashed potatoes mixed with water. Now that is a rib-sticking meal, right there. 


*Diapers would be designed to hold at least 4 times the amount of urine & poo as to ensure only the minimal changes necessary throughout a 24 hour period. 


*Swings and other battery or plug-in powered devices would instead run on propane so the child can virtually stay in there for days (as needed).


*Baby bottles would come with some weird contraption that helps the baby learn to hold the bottle themselves so they can "learn independence at a young age". 


*Houses would be made of sound proof walls and cement floors so crying would never be an issue, and neither would spilled foods. 


*Instead of baby mobiles above the crib, a little portable DVD player would be jimmy-rigged to stay attached to the ceiling while constantly playing Baby Einstein. Most likely there would also be lots of cords duct-taped down the wall to ensure it stays in place. It looks especially cute in that cement house mentioned above. 


*Minivans would not exist. Only Hummers and Jeeps with all kinds of ridiculous gadgets to keep a kid entertained and happy. Motorcycles would become kid-friendly with some kind of rigged up baby carrier and a side cart that accommodates multiple children.


*Binkies falling out of babies mouths at night would never be an issue. A nice head-gear type of band would wrap around their face to be certain it would never fall out in the night. 


*Cardboard cut-outs of monsters would be strategically placed right outside the bedroom door to make sure all kids stay in their beds at night. 


Oh, dads. What would we do without them? Happy Father's Day to you all! 


Sincerely, 


Me.