It. Is. Official. I have successfully completed my intrauterine device placement and therefore have only a 1% chance of getting pregnant. I'm really hoping my husband's fishies and my eggs do not consider this a challenge.
I saw a doctor that I hadn't seen before today. I wasn't sure what to think of the whole thing because he came in, looked at my chart and said, "Oh! An arch in the fundis. So you have a jacked up uterus. Did you know that?"
(Um...excuse me?) I actually didn't know that. What do you mean?
"Ah, just that you have a dent in the uterus which means it's heart shaped. You have a CUTE uterus! A Valentine's uterus."
Uh huuuuh. Well alright then!
"Have you done the baby thing before?"
Yep.
"Were your kids breech?"
No.
"Oh. Never mind then. Sometimes the dip in the uterus causes their heads to get stuck."
Hmmm. This was actually good news for me! I have been thinking that 2 kids is my limit and this was basically him telling me that my uterus is officially WRECKED and that next time I was going to have an even crazier birthing experience than the last two. I like this guy. Not only because of the insane things popping out of his mouth, but also because he showed up in some sportsy athletic stretchy shirt, a baseball cap, a black Livestrong bracelet on and some shnazzy tennies with some minty colored scrub bottoms. Basically that would be the equivalent of a librarian struttin her stuff in some yoga pants with a Spurs jersey on, but no worries! She's still wearing her Teva's and her hipster glasses.
The IUD placement was less than pleasant. After a couple of bad attempts at positioning the dang thing, some "yanking" (as he comfortably put it), and some cranking of the oh-so-delightful speculum, I was glad for it to be over. I felt especially at ease when I was in the nude with the said speculum still in place and then asking the nurse to get him something. When she asked, "Which one?" He replied, "The big one." Music to a woman's ears. Then I was offered the largest feminine pad I'd ever seen besides at the hospital after giving birth. If I'd have known I needed a pad as thick as my toddler's diapers, I'd have just told them to keep it. I've got a whole Costco box of size 5's that I'm sure I could have squeezed into. Oh, the things we go through to be sure another little bundle of joy doesn't enter into the world too prematurely. Patience in all things, children. Patience in all things.
Sincerely,
Me.
Youre the best! I hope it works for you, I had mine taken out a week after getting it in. Haha. Even slight hormones screw me up. And I'm so glad that it's starting to be ok to have "only" two kids in the Mormon religion. It's like, oh you only have two...like its a ticket to hell. Let's get together. I'm back in town.
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