Gotta Go, Gotta Go.

Dear Diary, 


     Remember how I mentioned that moms have loose parts? Well there is rarely a time I've found this to be convenient. Today was a great example. My sweet husband sent me on my way with some money and told me to go birthday shopping. Yes, it was sad to say goodbye to my kiddos and walk out the door like a free woman and do something for myself for once, but I finally mustered up the courage to go. When I got to JCPenney (my favorite store ever, in true "mom" fashion...) not only did I find myself shopping in the Infants & Toddlers department with MY BIRTHDAY MONEY (mom alert!), but I also had a "Wow-Nature-Is-Calling-Right-This-Instant" urge (double mom alert!). I could feel my face all flush-like as I asked an employee where the bathroom was. I made my way there just as another woman was also trying to get to the bathroom. We had the same problem, I could tell. She sat down on the pot and I immediately heard that hollow PFFFFFFTTT sound. There is no hiding a fart while you're on the toilet. Might as well be tootin' into a microphone. And you know those are always the women that leave the skidders in the bowl. And the ones who come out of the stall thinking to themselves, "Wow, I did that like a boss", yet still act as ladylike as possible, straightening any wrinkles in their skirt as they float very dainty like to the sink to wash their manicured hands, knowing dang well that they've just left behind them the stench of the century. Those are also probably the women who go home and get mad at their husbands for pinching one off during dinner by accident. (Poor guy. Little does he know...) Anyway, I made it to the toilet in time, finished my shopping, ended up with a house full of clean clothes & dishes, kids that were well-behaved, and a much needed date night with the man of my dreams. It was the happiest birthday ever. 


Sincerely, 


Me.