Saturday, May 26, 2012

Holly Housewife.

Dear Diary, 


I used to be a nurturing woman. What happened?! I was that "cool" babysitter who brought over activities and snacks and we always had a good time. I had my regular families to babysit, and I would babysit without pay, even at 18 years old as a high school graduate. I did it because I loved it! *Sigh* Those were the days...


NOW, I often wonder why my sanity decided to take a jog and never return. I'm one of those people who asks the same question twice in a row, finds her cell phone at the bottom of the toilet- fraternizing with the urine inside it, leaves loads of laundry in the washing machine until they smell sour, and then wonder how I'm a functioning member of society. Thankfully, I live in "Hell" (a.k.a. Arizona. Only compared to Hell because of the extreme temperatures that make this place nearly inhabitable...) which means I don't get out much. So it's kind of like I'm locked up in my own personal insane asylum. That way, I don't trouble anyone with my annoying "Mom Brain Syndrome" that leaves me incapable of performing regular housewife duties. 


I'd probably be extra loving and domestic if I'd married earlier and had children sooner. But since I've had time to become crusty and selfish, my patience is about as short as my pinky toe nail...which is basically non-existent. I'll show you. Some other time. (Side note: I think you age at least 10 years per child. So mentally, I'm about 45 years old. *Wisdom not included. Strictly the stresses of life that wear on your brain & body.)


Anyway, here is just a little proof of my inability to be a nurturing Holly Housewife. Taken less than an hour ago, this is a picture of the bananas currently siting on my kitchen counter. People in our house won't touch healthy food with a ten-foot pole. 




I guess my bananas need to find a way to scream for my attention. 

Sincerely, 

Me. The killer.


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